Since discovering my partner was a sex addict in 2013, struggling with the emotional devastation and aftermath that followed, and doing my own healing work to overcome the trauma caused by my partner’s betrayal, I’ve made it my mission to help as many partners of sex addicts as possible learn to cope with and overcome the trauma of their discoveries, regain their equilibrium, feel better, and learn how to create healthier relationships and move forward with self-confidence and optimism.
Well, for a variety of reasons…
1) There Is Still a Lack of Support and Assistance Designed Specifically for Partners of Sex Addicts
While there is a wide variety of help available for sex addicts, there is still far too little in the way of quality support and assistance available for their partners.
Believe me, I know!
As someone who’s been through the pain of discovering one’s partner is a sex addict, I know how frustrating and futile it can feel to try and find help from a group or a compassionate therapist who truly understands partners of sex addicts.
Don’t get me wrong, there is, thankfully, much more information available on this topic than there was when I discovered my partner’s sex addiction eight years ago. And more and more mental health professionals and recovery groups are making this issue a priority.
But most professionals and groups focus on the sex addict and provide counseling and support for partners as an afterthought or as an adjunct to the addict’s treatment.
2) The Help and Support that Does Exist Isn’t Always Beneficial
Even if you can find a recovery circle or mental health professional in your area, these providers can come with issues of their own…
For example, it’s a sad truth that there is a lot of charlatanism out there practiced by people who may have one or more fancy degrees or titles after their name (therapists, psychologists, coaches, reverends, metaphysicians, you name it), who may be able to help people with some problems but have little or no idea how to help partners of sex addicts… even when they claim they do.
And many mental health practitioners and people in recovery circles tend to think that their approach is the “one true path” to healing.
I’ve seen 12-step advocates do this just as staunchly as 12-step opponents do it. And I’ve been to more than one therapist who thinks his or her therapeutic model is the only road to healing.
Unfortunately, I’ve never found rigid, extremist teachings on health and healing to be very helpful… After all, rigidity is just another sign of unhealed trauma.
What you and I and all partners of sex addicts need is someone who can be flexible. Someone who can meet you where you are, validate your emotions and experiences, and provide whatever help and support you need when you need it!
And of course, while gender, race, and sexual orientation have little to nothing to do with the pain we experience as betrayed partners and human beings, I’ve heard far too many partners of sex addicts express discomfort in, or who feel excluded from, one 12-Step program or another because they’re atheists, or agnostic, or a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying all 12-Step programs or mental health professionals are harmful. They can and do help millions of people. But they’re not necessarily what you need most when you initially discover your partner’s addiction.
But, perhaps most of all…
3) I Care Tremendously about People in General, and Specifically about Partners of Sex Addicts… I Am One
I’ve made this my mission because I care about people… I care about mental and spiritual health… I’ve always been highly intuitive and a natural empath and coach… And more than anything else, I want to help people navigate those first few days, weeks, and months after the discovery of their partner’s sex addiction.
I know how traumatizing and debilitating the shame us partners feel for having been, or being, in a relationship with a sex addict.
The vast majority of us are uncomfortable speaking about the topic, even with those closest to us.
But there are millions of others going through the same thing as you and I!
So I not only want to help every partner who’s going through this horrendous experience…
I want to bring this topic out into our national and global conversation… Because sex addiction isn’t just something that happens here or there to someone else.
Only Together Can We Bring Sex Addiction “Out of the Shadows” So Every Partner Gets the Help We Need and Deserve
It’s been estimated that between 3% and 5% of the U.S. adult population suffers from some sort of compulsive or sex addiction behavior, and it’s likely the number is much higher than that.
So I want to make sure this subject is part of our national consciousness, something that we discuss and try to heal from and overcome as a society, just like alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, and all of the various other forms of addiction, and not something that only comes up once every few years when a public figure like Tiger Woods comes forward and admits they have a sex addiction.
Unfortunately, when we’re hurting and in a lot of pain, we don’t know what questions to ask or whom to trust when it comes to getting the help we need…
Fortunately, we’re all human, and each of us can cope with and overcome the pain of being a partner of a sex addict.
While I know it may seem difficult to believe now, as someone who’s been there let me tell you that your own inner wisdom can and will help you quiet the overwhelming, painful memories that seem without end when you first learn of your partner’s betrayals.
The other vital aspect in overcoming the shame of discovering one’s partner is a sex addict is to break the cycle of secrecy, anonymity, and shame that surrounds this addiction, and which we partners innocently perpetuate by keeping our silence.
Toward this end, I’m committed to bringing our relationship stories and healing work out into the open, not only to serve us but to help our society as a whole become aware of this addiction and how we, as partners of sex addicts, feel and deserve understanding and support.
So, if you’re feeling intense loneliness, confusion, rage, and shame and don’t know where to turn, know you can connect with the resiliency and innate wisdom you already possess.
You CAN learn to cope with the shame and trauma of discovering your partner is a sex addict, regain your equilibrium, feel better, and learn how to create healthier relationships and move forward with self-confidence. The individual coaching services I provide can help.
And remember, you and I are stronger together…
Together, we have access to more resources. Together, we can learn to reconnect and create healthier relationships. And it’s by working together that we can truly bring sex addiction out of the shadows, so all of us partners can get the help, support, and healing we need and deserve.
For more information about the services I offer or how you can help, please feel free to contact me today. I look forward to hearing from you!