Individual Help When You Need It Most
“I felt like I was going through a shredder … backwards.”
I recently came across this quote from someone who discovered their partner is a sex addict, and god do I know the feeling. You probably do, too.
If you feel at all like I did when I discovered (after 27 years of being together) that my partner was a sex addict, you feel devastated.
And even the word devastated doesn’t do your feelings justice. You feel confused, angry, dirty, hurt, embarrassed, afraid and, perhaps more than anything else, extremely alone.
Your life has suddenly unraveled, turned inside out, and been shattered.
And to make matters worse, every time you try to deny your feelings, or push them aside so you can move forward, those feelings come rushing back to the fore as your mind uncontrollably replays moments of your partner’s and your life together. You keep looking for clues to his or her infidelities. You keep blaming yourself for not having seen it all earlier, as if that would somehow make you feel better.
Today, I know that this flood of emotions is completely natural, and to be expected. After all, how else should we feel when we’ve been traumatized by the discovery that our relationships and our lives have been one gigantic lie … that the person we loved and trusted the most is hiding a secret life as a sex addict?!?
I say all of this simply so you know I understand. I’ve been there. You’re not alone!
It’s all too easy for us to think that no one else has ever been through such shock, misery, and betrayal. Unfortunately, the exact opposite is the case. The devastatingly painful consequences of our partners’ sex addictions is something that’s experienced by millions of partners around the world, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation.
But that doesn’t necessarily make talking about the situation any easier …
And believe me, you do need to talk about it!
Only once you begin talking about what you’re going through will you be able to process, cope with, and overcome the trauma, shame, and grief of discovering your partner is a sex addict, as well as regain your equilibrium, start to feel better, and learn how to create healthier relationships and begin moving forward with self-confidence.
Can I Really Help?!?
I understand if you’re not sure whether you can be open about this situation with ANYONE. Or if you’re concerned about how much time this will take. Or whether or not you should find someone with some sort of specific degree after their name.
Again, I’ve been there.
I didn’t know what to do when I discovered my partner was a sex addict. And I certainly didn’t know whom to talk to about what I was feeling and going through.
I wasn’t even sure I trusted myself after discovering my partner had been living a double life right under my nose all those years!
So, who can YOU trust?
Unfortunately, when we’re hurting the most, it can be extremely difficult to know where to turn or what questions to ask.
Many traditional mental health systems often innocently tell us to busy ourselves with books, and questions, and writings to help us re-experience and re-process our traumatic experiences … as if recalling and essentially reliving the past will somehow heal the present and the future.
But when you first discover your partner’s betrayal, the opposite is often true!
What you may need most is just to get it all out, to have someone who’s been there listen empathically. And you need some help to calm yourself, so you can experience the peace and quiet that will allow your own authentic inner wisdom to come to the fore.
Many recovery circles and mental health providers have a tendency to think that their approach is “the one true way” to deal with and heal from the trauma of discovering one’s partner is a sex addict.
12-Step advocates do this just as much as 12-Step opponents do it. And individual mental health professionals often see one therapeutic model (their approach) as being a panacea, while ignoring all of the wisdom that is offered by others.
But the last thing you need right now is someone imposing their rigid or dogmatic system on you.
What you need is someone who’s flexible … someone who will meet you where you are, who will listen compassionately, and who will help you find your own answers.
I know. I’ve been to more 12-Step programs and mental health professionals than I can count. And while many of them think they have “the answer,” it’s become apparent to me that only you and I have the answers we need … and they’re inside of us just waiting for us to be able to quiet our thoughts enough to hear and recognize them.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying all 12-Step programs or mental health professionals are harmful. They can and do help millions of people. But they’re not what you need when you initially discover your partner’s betrayal.
What you need first and foremost is someone who understands the struggle you’re going through, who will meet you where you are, who will validate your experiences before trying to challenge you into action, and who will help you find your own answers from a place of dignity and respect.
I’m here to help you connect with the resiliency and innate health and wisdom you already possess.
How long it takes is entirely up to you …
But by listening to you and being here for you, I can help you see where your own experience is coming from.
More importantly, by learning to listen to yourself, you’ll be able to distinguish your ego’s chatter from your own inner wisdom and authentic self that will guide you through your healing process.
I can’t even begin to explain how much I have healed and continue to heal. And how privileged I feel to help so many others do the same.
It’s taken no small amount of work, but I’ve been able to transform the traumatic experience of discovering my partner was a sex addict into a whole new path of self-awareness, self-love, and growth. And you CAN learn to do the same!
Are You Ready to Reclaim a Sense of Control and Create a Life You Truly Love?
If you’re ready to …
- Better understand the nature of sex addiction, your partner’s behaviors, and why your partner’s addiction is not your fault or responsibility.
- Learn techniques to calm your mind, so you can stop reliving the past, regain a sense of control, put an end to the seemingly unrelenting flood of thoughts, images, what-if scenarios, doubts and suspicions, and find your own direction, answers, and path to peace and healing.
- Decide whether or not to stay with your partner, leave, or put your relationship in “safe harbor” for a period of time while you make the decision.
- Make sense of and express your needs and emotions.
- Overcome any feelings of embarrassment, shame, or guilt, and experience the hope that comes with realizing you CAN use this experience to create a better life.
- Set healthy boundaries, live your own life authentically, and stop taking responsibility for other people.
- Access all of the information and support you need and deserve.
- … And a whole lot more!
I encourage you to put your needs first for a change and schedule a free, initial consultation.
I offer free, 30-minute, introductory consultations, so you can ask me any questions you have and decide whether or not we’d be a good fit to work together. And all of the consultation and coaching sessions I offer are held online using Skype or GoToMeeting, meaning we can connect any time and place that’s convenient for you.
Lastly, just to be clear … the coaching services I provide are NOT to be mistaken for counseling or therapy.
Remember, you do NOT have a mental disorder just because your partner is a sex addict. There’s nothing inherently “wrong” with you, so we’re not going to waste time treating some co-occurring disorder that you don’t have.
What we will do is identify and focus on your strengths, creativity, and problem-solving skills, so you can move forward and create healthier relationships and a life you truly love.
The choice is yours. You can keep struggling not knowing how you’re going to make it through each day or what the future has in store. Or you can start reclaiming control, learn to cope with and overcome the confusion, anger, anxiety and shame of discovering your partner is a sex addict, regain your sense of equilibrium, feel better, and learn how to create healthier relationships and move forward with self-confidence and optimism.
When you’re ready to get started, simply click the “Schedule an Appointment” button below. I look forward to meeting you and helping in any way I can … but the person you’re really going to meet is yourself!