Individual Help When You Need It Most
“I felt like I was going through a shredder… backwards.”
I recently came across this quote from someone who discovered their partner is a sex addict, and god do I know the feeling…
You probably do, too.
When I discovered after 27 years of being together that my partner was a sex addict, I was devastated.
I felt confused, angry, dirty, hurt, embarrassed, afraid, and, perhaps more than anything else, extremely alone.
My life had suddenly unraveled, turned inside out, and been shattered…
And to make matters worse, every time I tried to deny my feelings, or push them aside so I could move forward, those feelings would come rushing back to the fore as my mind uncontrollably replayed moments of my partner’s and my life together. I kept looking for clues to her infidelities… blaming myself for not having seen it all earlier, as if that would have somehow made it all better.
I now understand that this flood of emotions is completely natural, and to be expected…
After all, how else should we feel when we’ve been traumatized by the discovery that our relationships and our lives have been one gigantic lie… that the person we loved and trusted the most is hiding a secret life as a sex addict?!?
I say all of this simply so you know… you’re not alone!
It’s all too easy for us to think that no one else could possibly ever have been through such shock, misery, and betrayal…
Unfortunately, the devastatingly painful consequences of our partners’ sex addictions is something that’s experienced by millions of partners around the world, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation.
But that doesn’t necessarily make talking about the situation any easier…
And you do need to talk about it!
Because only once you begin talking about what you’re going through will you be able to process, cope with, and overcome the trauma, shame, and grief of discovering your partner is a sex addict, as well as regain your equilibrium, start to feel better, and learn how to create healthier relationships and begin moving forward with self-confidence.
Why Hire Me as Your Coach?
I understand if you’re not sure whether you can be open about this situation with ANYONE… Or if you’re concerned about how much time this will take… Or whether or not you should find someone with one or more degrees after their name.
Again, I’ve been there.
I didn’t know what to do when I discovered my partner was a sex addict. And I certainly didn’t know whom to talk to about what I was feeling and going through.
I wasn’t even sure I trusted myself after discovering my partner had been living a double life right under my nose all those years…
So, whom can YOU trust?
Unfortunately, when we’re hurting the most, it can be extremely difficult to know where to turn or what questions to ask.
Many traditional mental health systems often innocently tell us to busy ourselves with books, and questions, and writings to help us re-experience and re-process our traumatic experiences… as if recalling and essentially reliving the past will somehow heal the present and the future.
But when you first discover your partner’s betrayal, the opposite is often true!
What you may need most is just to get it all out, to have someone who’s been there listen empathically, and you need some help to calm yourself so you can experience the peace and quiet that will allow your own authentic inner wisdom to come to the fore.
Many recovery circles and mental health providers have a tendency to think that their approach is “the one true way” to deal with and heal from the trauma of discovering one’s partner is a sex addict.
12-Step advocates do this just as much as 12-Step opponents do it. And individual mental health professionals often see one therapeutic model (their approach) as being a panacea, while ignoring all of the wisdom that is offered by others.
Someone being rigid or dogmatic is the last thing you need… it’s a sign of unhealed trauma.
What you need is someone who’s flexible… Someone who will meet you where you are, who will listen compassionately, and who will help you find your own answers.
I’ve been to more 12-Step programs and mental health professionals than I can count. And while many of them think they have “the answer,” it’s become apparent to me that only you and I have the answers we need… and they’re inside of us just waiting for us to be able to hear and recognize them!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying all 12-Step programs or mental health professionals are harmful. They can and do help millions of people. But they’re not what you need when you initially discover your partner’s betrayal.
What you need first and foremost is someone who understands the struggle you’re going through, who will meet you where you are, who will validate your experiences before trying to challenge you into action, and who will help you find your own answers from a place of dignity and respect.
I’m here to help you connect with the resiliency and innate health and wisdom you already possess.
How long it takes is entirely up to you…
But by listening to you, I can help you see where your own experience is coming from.
More importantly, by learning to listen to yourself, you’ll be able to distinguish your ego’s chatter from your own inner wisdom and authentic self that will guide you through your healing process.
I can’t even begin to explain how much I have healed and continue to heal…
It’s taken no small amount of work, but I’ve been able to transform the traumatic experience of discovering my partner was a sex addict into a whole new path of self-awareness, self-love, and growth. And you CAN learn to do the same!
Are You Ready?
If you’re ready to…
- Better understand your partner’s behaviors, why they’ve done this, and the impact of the lies, manipulation, and betrayal you’ve endured
- Stop reliving the past and quiet your mind, so you can find your own direction, answers, and path to peace and healing
- Decide whether or not you should stay with your partner, leave, or put your relationship in “safe harbor” for a period of time while you make the decision
- Make sense of your emotions and know that there is a way out of the confusion
- Find out where to get all of the information and support you need and deserve
- Overcome any feelings of embarrassment, shame, or guilt, and experience the hope that comes with realizing you CAN use this experience to create a better life
I encourage you to take care of your needs, put yourself first, and schedule a free, initial consultation.
Take some time right now and ask yourself if you’re ready and willing to work with someone who will help you “dig a little deeper.”
If you’d like to navigate the different issues and emotions you’re struggling with, set and maintain healthier boundaries, enjoy greater peace and self-confidence, and want to better understand your relationship with others and your self, then I’m here to help.
I offer free, 30-minute, introductory coaching sessions, so you can ask me any questions you have and decide whether or not we’d be a good fit to work together, and all coaching sessions are held online using Skype or GoToMeeting at a time of your convenience.
And just to be clear… The coaching services I provide are NOT to be mistaken for counseling or therapy.
You do NOT have a mental disorder just because your partner is a sex addict. So, we’re not going to waste time treating some co-occurring disorder that you don’t have…
What we will do is identify and focus on your strengths, creativity, and problem-solving skills to enable you to move forward and create healthier relationships and a life you truly love.
So you can keep struggling not knowing how you’re going to make it through each day or what the future has in store, or you can start reclaiming control, learn to cope with the confusion, anger, anxiety and shame of discovering your partner is a sex addict, regain your equilibrium, feel better, and learn how to create healthier relationships and move forward with self-confidence and optimism.
When you’re ready to get started, simply click the “Schedule Appointment” button below. I look forward to meeting you and helping in any way I can… but the person you’re really going to meet is yourself!